Before there was Greed $immons and Motley Crue, there was Chuck Berry. Mr. Barry (thanks to his brother Marvin and Marty McFly) was an innovator of rock n' roll. His music spoke volumes and his personality spoke (insert metaphor of something bigger than volume here).

The man was pulling down so much white pussy they almost cast him in a James Bond movie. Chuck got in trouble by having a 14 year old as a hat check girl in a club he owned. She was later picked up for prostitution and he was charged under the Mann Act. In 1961 in St. Louis, Chuck was charged with bringing a 14-year-old girl across a state line.

Chuck wised up after these brushes with the law and began to take Polaroids of his ladies to avoid rape charges. If you are going to stop mid coitus to pose for a Polaroid, you probably are not being raped by the legendary Chuck Berry. Smart man Chuck!

This is where our advice to Ben Rapelisberger comes in. Ben, you are a target now for any woman who sleeps with you, which is probably a gaggle. The public forgave you for the first one, but the second one? Now the next woman who comes out and says you raped them or forced yourself on them, whether you did or didn't, will kill your reputation. Don't worry though, we can teach you through rock n' roll.

1. Fuck only strippers

Not only are strippers hot in low lighting, but they also know how to fuck. Who wants dead fish Jane who is all thumbs and those thumbs continue to go for your asshole during oral sex? Not me....ok maybe me...ok definitely me.

Strippers will not blab about who they screw. They don't care. They have had a lot of men screw them with their pervy eyes or their dirty oil soaked hands. It doesn't matter who you are as long as you have a Vic Wettner sized cock (I have heard girls complain of lock jaw the next day) or your hand can be crushed down to a fist for insertion. (Soak it in readers, that was a cock joke and a fisting joke in one sentence!)

If the stripper does call rape, no one will believe her. She is a stripper! (No offense strippers who read this, I was in stripper once. Oh sorry that was Stryper.)

2. Learn from Chuck Berry

Chuck is a God. He is a living rock n' roll legend and a great guy. He has been screwing women longer than any of us have been alive. If he lives by Polaroids, so can you. It makes total sense. The public will not believe a woman who posed for Polaroids was raped. It just doesn't make sense.

I recently got a GED in Law from St. Bonnaventure High School and I can tell you, contracts are ironclad. Have her sign a contract before engaging in sex and then bring out the contract if she runs to the police calling RAPE.

Blogs N' Roses has been informed by our lawyer a sex contract is not enforceable in America.

Ben, since you are a football player who suffered a few concussions over his career, I kept the list at two. I don't want to overwhelm you in our first lesson. Here is a sneak peek at what will be coming up:

*Mick Jagger's approach to bedding beauties out of your league

This lesson will take a look at The Rolling Stones front man's impossible conquests (male and female) and how he was able to avoid the dreaded "rapist" tag.

*The Pete Townsend "It's for research" excuse

This lesson will go in depth on how you can do something totally illegal (like downloading child pornography) and say it was just for research. Sample responses "I didn't rape that girl, it was just surprise butt sex." or "I only raped her for for research. I am writing a book on rape." I bet Puffin Publishing would buy the rights.

In conclusion, Blogs N' Roses is standing by you Ben. We want you to succeed and that is why we are providing you with a few tricks to avoid the labels. We do not believe you forced yourself on those women. We think they are money grubbing whores who sleep with athletes. We are glad you fought it. And who the fuck cares about what that DA had to say about your morality? You can hang out with us degenerates anytime as long as you don't listen to country. That shit sucks.