It is that time of year when fat people say "I'm going to get in shape." Men say "I am not going to drink as much as I used to." and women say "I am going to do kagel exercises to tighten up my vagina for my boyfriend."

We all have resolutions and goals we want to accomplish in the next year. Your favorite musician/band is no different. Last year we published a list and some of the hare-brained resolutions came true (See Dave Mustaine) Let's take a look at some New Year Resolutions by your favorite music stars:

The Jonas Brothers - With the marriage of my brother Kevin Jonas, he can't stop talking about how great pussy is. Nick and I (Joe) will attempt to get married because sex can only occur during loving, committed marriage.

Miley Cyrus - I will continue to ruin the childhood of myself and your children while making my creepy father more money. I will also ruin the career of Bret Michaels.

Greed $immons - I will attempt to create an even more disgusting KISS product than a KISS Kondom or a KISS Kasket. The KISS Kamino isn't a bad idea. I will not rest until everyone in the world has bought something KISS related.

Lady GaGa - I will finally find the right woman and settle down my manwhorish ways.

Jennifer Lopez - I will never jump off the back of a sweaty dancer and think it is a good idea (link). After I recover from my bruised ego/coccyx I will do a full scale tour.

Nickelback - We will take a break from touring and jump in our money vault. We would like to personally thank Lars Wettner for not only buying our albums, but also coming to see us in concert. We wouldn't be taking golden showers without your money. We will return to touring next summer into late fall.

Michael Jackson - Will continue to decompose slowly due to all the plastic in my body. I will attempt to outsell Elvis as the Top Earning Dead Person.

Stephen Tyler - After cleaning up my act, I will continue to work on Brand Tyler, but also I might think about fronting this small band called Aerosmith. The future is wide open for me.