We here in the music promotion department of Wettner Inc, decided to do a Pollyanna this holiday season. I find it way more insulting than a Secret Santa. Secret Santas you have to be directly responsible for your shitty gift. Pollyanna you can surreptitiously place a neatly wrapped present in the pile and wait. Wait until your perfectly wrapped garbage gift is opened to disappointing eyes.

There is always one fuckhead who thinks it is funny to get the stupid gift. The USB fan maybe cool to the sweaty fat-ass in IS, or the fake Louis Vuitton cosmetic bag for the stuck up bitch in marketing, but I don't fucking want it.

We abide by the rules, if it is your turn you can take a present from someone else or pick from the pile. It is a good rule, but everyone goes with the largest present box. This is where strategy and assholeness comes into play.

The gift limit was 20.00 bucks, so I went to a fucking yard sale and bought a record player for 10.00 bucks and had it worked on for an additional 15.00. I went over the limit by 5.00 bucks, but the damn thing works perfectly and can now play those vinyl record thingys.

I wrapped it up in kick ass Judas Priest wrapping paper. And placed it gingerly on the Pollyanna table. I picked first, which blows because everyone steals your gift. Vic Wettner picked second and giggled like a school girl about to have her cherry popped on prom night as he picked up the red brick wrapped doo hickey. He traded for my gift and laughed.

To my surprise, no one else traded gifts with me. I eagerly tore into the present only to find the entire discography of Nickelback. Every CD they have ever released including some Japanese import CDs. What a dick present! I can't even use these as clayshooters, coasters, ass wiping, nothing. They are useless to pretty much everyone in the office but Lars Wettner. Someone went out of their way to gift this and that someone had to be Vic Wettner.

This is why I hate Pollyanna and her stupid blind gift giving!!