Ok, the emails can stop. We are weighing in on the American "Music" Awards. First off, the show is strictly about sales and radio play. The winner is predetermined before the start of the show and any one with an internet connection can see how much an artist sold over the other artists in the category.

But none of you have been emailing us over the award winners. Nor did you email over the fall of J.Lo during her performance. You asked our opinion on the simulated fellatio and boys kissing during Adam Lambert's performance.

I watched the show while flipping between the football game. I caught Adam's performance, but didn't see any kissing or simulated fellatio. The reason: my tv went black and audio was cut to a guy in a studio for about 30 seconds of his performance. At first I couldn't figure out if this was a mishap or intentional. Given the fact two men simulated fellatio and kissed, I will guess it was ABC's attempt at censoring our children from catching gay.

Yes, it is a little known fact that if you see something homosexual, you too, could become homosexual. For instance, I was sitting on the couch watching Bugs Bunny tear Elmer Fudd a new asshole and then, to my surprise, Bugs kissed Elmer. TWO DUDES KISSING! I instantly became sexually attracted to all male things. I began to dress better and enjoy scented candles. I was color coordinated for the first time offsetting a nice fuchsia shirt with a brown corduroy pant.

Seriously, it's not an outrage. People are too uptight these days about protecting their children. I am an absentee father, but when I show up on weekends hung over smelling of pussy, I tell Miller Lite where I have been and what I was doing. "Look Miller, Daddy likes loose women so it's four in the pink or four in the stink. Mommy was fist in the pink kind of gal." Then we go for a Sunday drunken drive where he drives me to the hospital to take an AIDS test. -Negative by the way

Maybe if we didn't shelter the kids, they wouldn't be giant fucking pansies. They would join the military and become something other than corporate bankers. They might start up a dangerous rock band and fuck Nickelback in the ass.

That is my take on Adam Lambert. He's a screaming, American Idol runner up, who is a giant attention whore pushing his gay in our face. But if we didn't have this fucking fear of homosexuality, he'd go away as just another gay popstar.

Your kids have seen worse. Just type in Asian Rose in a Google search with the safe search off. See what happens. Those are two innocuous words. Maybe your child is doing a report on the flowers of Asia. Trust me, they have seen worse than simulated sex acts.

Why the outrage?