Since I am a prototypical red blooded American, I like capitalism, women,hunting, and rock n' roll. I was looking for an album that will accompany my long hunting trips to the African preserves. Nothing is more of a thrill than hunting endangered white rhinos or a pride of lions. But I just haven't been able to find the perfect soundtrack for this. I tired The Rolling Stones Their Satantic Majesties Request, but the high pitched voice of Mick Jagger was a deterrent for pulling the trigger when needed.

My British chum, Cheerio FishnChipshanded me the self-titled EP from The Black Diamond Jaguars. It was wrapped in Black and white Leopard print. I told Cheerio that I wasn't looking to rape any women this trip, I won't be needing this. He said "Trust me."

The first track Shake is a raucous tune with quick guitar riffs by Clint Delicious, lo-fi vocals by Alixx De'Ville, and a thundering bombastic drum/bass combination provided by L.A. Whittle and Craig Tutton.Shake is very reminiscent of one of my favorite Philadelphia bands Razorblade Skin. Shake is perfect for jumping in my Jeep and speeding along the African brush alongside a crash of rhinos as I try to kill them for their horns.

The guitar solo was timed perfectly as Cheerio sped alongside the rhino and I raised my gun and killed that son of a bitch, who I envisioned raped my mother. I screamed out SHAKE as if to announce my victory over this endangered rhino.

I exited the vehicle as Dirty Leather came on the Jeep stereo. The Guns N' Roses meets Motley Crue lyrics with a slower blues beat was the perfect song as I took my hacksaw to the horn of the rhino who raped my mother. I couldn't help but nod my head along with the infectious beat and tap my toe as I sat on the dead rhinos head. At one time, I felt  myself sawing through the horn using the beats provided by Craig. Great job Craig, you helped in killing an endangered species.

And due to my upbringing, we have to completely humiliate our kill. As American Spirit came on, with its chunking riff that reminds me of"Party Wrecker" by The Statues of Liberty. The Iggy pop crooning of Alixx as he growled "I got an appetite for seduction. Got a fire in my soul. Got an itch that needs a scratching. I could feel it in my bones." Those lyrics couldn't be more perfect as I stuck my penis in the dead rhino.

All seriousness aside, Black Diamond Jaguars meld Motley Crue with, Iggy Pop and the Stooges, but still add their own personal take on music. They are sleazy, dangerous, and ready to conquer your loins. You have two choices, either embrace them or reject them. But know that if you reject them, they will rape you like a rabid Jaguar. So why not just embrace them.

Check out their MySpace site for more information on this up and coming British band.