I don't expect any of you loyal readers to read this. And actually I wouldn't if I were you. I am writing this article to inform my brother Bob Wettner, that his fourth favorite band Ill Nino just signed with Victory Records.

Hey Bob, you will soon hear new music from one of your favorites. They are hitting the studio in April to record an album due out in late summer.

Bob loved their song What Comes Around so much, he had the lyrics tattooed on his penis. Now you know what comes around, Bob. If you are still reading this post, I will remind you of their "hit" below.

        

Alex Chilton, the legendary singer, songwriter, and performer, died today. Chilton was in New Orleans and was scheduled to play in Austin this weekend with the reunited Big Star as part of SXSW. According to the paper, he complained of feeling ill and was taken by paramedic to the hospital. Cause of death has not been confirmed, but the Commercial Appeal reports that it is believed to be a heart attack. Chilton was 59. Chilton was made famous in the song Alex Chilton by The Replacements.

        

Greed $immons recently gave an interview to XFM Radio in the UK. During this interview Greed must have been smoking something. He challenged Bono and Mick Jagger to a stadium duel. Here is his quote:

"I would love to play on the same stage as U2, the Stones and anybody out there who considers themself a world champion," challenged Simmons. "You come on up on that stage with us, baby. Show me what you got, and then we'll show you what the big boys do."

When you stop laughing, come back.

Ok, you done? Now Greed is clearly doing this because he and KISS can't sell out stadiums anymore. Arenas, maybe, but stadiums not a chance.

I have seen all three live and two in a stadium setting. I can state without a doubt, there is no way KISS can compete with the Rolling Stones or U2 in a stadium show. I would also toss Metallica into the mix, who put on a hell of a show and a fairly great stadium show.

Here is the thing, U2 and The Rolling Stones do not rely on the use of pyrotechnics during their show. They let their music do the talking...or Bono. KISS is only about pyrotechnics. A KISS show is an hour and half of fire, flash bangs, strobes, smoke, makeup, and Greed breathing fire.

If I had to rank the acts in terms of stadium shows, I would say The Rolling Stones, U2, Metallica, reunited Led Zeppelin, reunited Pink Floyd, reanimated Beatles, reanimated Clash, zombie Elvis, Swedish Eurodance act Rednex (known for their hit Cotton Eyed Joe), Michael Flatley's Riverdance, KISS. In that order.

I don't believe KISS even belongs on the same stage as The Stones or U2. But the main reason Greed says stupid shit like that is to get people talking about what a fucking ridiculous idea it is and people continue to talk about KISS. Touche Greed.

Listen to the whole interview here.

        

Jet has released a video for their latest single Seventeen. No that isn't a Winger cover, it is a song off their newest album Shaka Rock. It isn't bad. Check out the video below. If you can go see them out on tour. Tour dates below video.



Mar 23 2010 - Showbox at the Market, Seattle, Washington
Mar 24 2010 - Roseland Theatre, Portland, Oregon
Mar 26 2010 - The Depot, Salt Lake City, Utah
Mar 27 2010 - Rock N Roll Wine Festival at Caesar’s Pool, Las Vegas, Nevada
Mar 29 2010 - Belly Up, Aspen, Colorado
Mar 30 2010 - The Black Sheep, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Apr 2 2010 - Brat Stop, Kenosha, Wisconsin
Apr 3 2010 - Slippery Noodle Inn, Indianapolis, Indiana
Apr 5 2010 - The Machine Shop, Flint, Michigan
Apr 6 2010 - McGuffy’s House of Draft, Dayton, Ohio

        

The Rock N' Roll Joke of Fame held their induction ceremony in NYC...you know home of the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame. Oh, the Hall is located in Ohio? Why do they do the ceremony in NYC?

Anyway, this year's only note worthy band were The Stooges. The others were The Hollies, Genesis, Jimmy Cliff, and mother fucking ABBA.

The Stooges deserve any and all press they receive. They were a very influential punk WAY before "punk" even had a name. Lead by iconic front man Iggy Pop who is a master showman, The Stooges brought raw power and punk antics into clubs around the world.

I wanted to post video of their induction and set. However, I couldn't find live footage, where they played Search and Destroy and I Wanna Be Your Dog. You will have to be satisfied with live footage of the band performing these Stooge classics.



Ok, so there are great live performances of Search and Destroy which is a fucking CRIME. You have to settle for the album version:

        

Are you tired of hearing Use Somebody by Kings of Leon? How about Sex on Fire? Perhaps you are Kings of Leon'ed out. It is a distinct possibility. I don't mind the band, but when I hear Use Somebody I want to punch pregnant ladies and have a man pound me in the ass. However, the latter is not really a result of my hatred for Kings of Leon as much as it is an outward reflection of my inner homosexuality...or so says my therapist.

Well my nightmare is going to continue as Kings of Leon announced a new summer tour. They will be hitting mostly sheds and outdoor amphitheaters. They begin their tour at the Borgata in Atlantic City and weave their way through North America. Tour dates below.

I am sure local radio stations are going to be cumming all over one another to promote the show and therefore will play the only two radio songs Kings of Leon has. You will be able to instantly figure out which radio station got to eat the cookie (that's an ookie cookie reference) by how many times you hear Kings of Leon per one eight hour period. You can expect to hear Use Somebody and Sex on Fire until at least September of this year.

June 5 – Atlantic City, NJ @ Borgata Event Center
June 6 – Saratoga, NY @ Saratoga Performing Arts Center
June 8 - Scranton, PA @ Toyota Pavillion at Montage Stage
July 9 - San Diego, CA @ Cricket Wireless Amphitheatre
July 10 - Phoenix, AZ @ Cricket Wireless Pavilion
July 12 – Los Angeles, CA @ Hollywood Bowl
July 14 – Irvine, CA @ Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre
July 17 – George, WA @ The Gorge Amphitheatre
July 19 – Salt Lake City, UT @ USANA Amphitheatre
July 20 – Denver, CO @ Comfort Dental Amphitheatre
July 23 – St. Louis, MO @ Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre
July 24 – Chicago, IL @ First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre
July 26 -  Cleveland, OH @ Blossom Music Center
July 28 - Toronto, ONT @ Molson Canadian Amphitheatre
July 30 – Darien Center, NY @ Darien Lake Performing Arts Center
July 31 – Detroit, MI @ DTE Energy Music Center
August 3 – Hartford, CT @ Comcast Theatre
August 5 – Camden, NJ @ Susquehana Bank Amphitheatre
August 7 – Bristow, VA @  Jiffy Lube Live
Sept. 3 – Indianapolis, IN @ Verizon Wireless Music Center
Sept. 4 – Cincinnati, OH @ Riverbend Music Center
Sept. 7 – Pittsburgh, PA @ First Niagara Pavilion
Sept. 8 – Hershey, PA @ Hershey Park Stadium & Star Pavilion
Sept. 10 – Charlotte, NC @ Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre
Sept. 11 - Virginia Beach, VA @ Virginia Beach Amphitheatre
Sept. 13 – Raleigh, NC @ Time Warner Cable Music Pavilion at Walnut Creek Amphitheatre
Sept. 17 – West Palm Beach, FL @ Cruzan Amphitheatre
Sept. 18 – Tampa, FL @ Ford Amphitheatre
Sept. 20 – Birmingham, AL @ Verizon Wireless Music Center
Sept. 22 – Houston, TX @ Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion
Sept. 23 – Dallas, TX @ Superpages.com

        

It is amazing the amount of copying in the radio friendly bands these days. When one record company has a band that gets popular on radio, another record company quickly runs out and produces a copy. They use the same formula.

We reviewed a band making waves on the radio recently entitled Skillet. They are a direct copy of a band called Three Days Grace. The same song structure and same musical style. 

Let's start with Three Days Grace latest single The Good Life off the album Life Starts Now. The album was released on September 22, 2009.



Things to note about this song:

Song starts out in your face. Rocking.

(0.24 seconds) Song breaks down for stanza one with just basic drums and one guitar riff through stanza one.
Vocals on stanza basically Adam talking.

(0.40 seconds) Chorus is up beat and back to rocking.
Chorus vocals are catchy and Adam actually sings (if you call taking a shit while attempting to sing vocals singing) The singing and up beat nature make the chorus the hook part. Listening to this song, the chorus will be what you remember.

(1.08) Stanza two repeats stanza one.

(1:24) Back into chorus.

(1:45) Then stanza three is the b-section where musical structure changes from the previous.

This is all basic song formulation, by the way. It is how songs are written. But the musical styling is exactly the same for Skillet's radio hit Monster. Monster is off their album Awake released August 25, 2009.



Song starts out with basic drums and one guitar. This continues until chorus.

John's voice is similar to Adam's.
Stanza one is spoken much like Three Days Grace

(0.45 seconds) Chorus begins and is upbeat, John is actually singing, and it is catchy through the vocals.

(1:08) Stanza two repeats similar to stanza one.

(1:30) Chorus nothing changed.

(2:00) B-section that changes the musical style of the song slightly.

The kicker I want you to realize is the use of what I will call a capstone. Sometimes the capstone is a blood curdling scream. Think Iron Maiden. But in radio friendly rock world, it is different. Powerful screams have been done, guitar solos are too much work, so you can growl or add a computer voice. The capstone generally comes toward the end of the song.

In the Three Days Grace song at 2:18 you will hear the computer voice repeating the song title. In the Skillet version at 2:17 you will hear the growl of the song title. I suppose this is designed to help you remember the song title.

The timing is almost identical, the use of effects is exactly the same. There is no originality in radio rock these days.

        

Do you like Bullet for My Valentine? I have seen them in concert and they are fairly boring, their music also does nothing for me. The illusion of their "metal" ness is lost when you try and do what is popular.

When they were starting out, they wanted to be a Limp Bizkit, LostProphets type band. Now they are all about being true metalers, which is all a bunch of bullshit. If you don't believe me, head to their Wikipedia and see if they were originally called Jeff Killed John. No better yet, go read my article on the band here:

But some of you out there still like this band. The illusion exists for you and who am I to break that? I am not the bully who tells you Santa Claus doesn't exist. (By me writing that does that make me a bully?) Bullet for my Valentine is going to release a new record.

BFMV, as they are called, will release their third album, "Fever", in the U.S. on April 27 (one day earlier internationally) via Jive/Zomba.

The track listing for the CD is as follows:

01. Your Betrayal
02. Fever
03. The Last Fight
04. A Place Where You Belong
05. Pleasure and Pain
06. Alone
07. Breaking Out Breaking Down
08. Bittersweet Memories
09. Dignity
10. Begging For Mercy
11. Pretty On The Outside

You may be wondering what the new music sounds like. Well I got your hookup. Here is a song called The Last Fight.



It sounds like generic bubblegum metal. But high school kids have disposable parent income. So that might explain their popularity.

        

Axl Rose doesn't understand the point of Twitter. You have to say what you need to say in 140 characters. This is sometimes challenging, when you have a lot to say. But if you have a lot to say, head over to your website and post it there in a blog, update, press release etc.

Over the weekend Guns N' Roses (AKA Axl Roses) were supposed to play a concert in Rio (specifically March 14). However, the stage collapsed and the concert was cancelled. Sebastian Bach posted a picture of the stage in its collapsed glory.



Looking at the damage, it is amazing no one was seriously injured. There were some injuries but nothing serious.

If you were following @Axlrose on Twitter, you would have this information before everyone else. While you are at it, follow us on Twitter www.twitter.com/blogsnroses. You will get exclusive access to Twitter only contests, Cover Thursday, and inane ramblings from an insane man.

        

You kids these days like bands who scream and growl. That explains the popularity of a band called A Day to Remember. We were walking down the streets of Philadelphia and found ourselves at a hardcore show. (Review here)

A Day to Remember is set to release their latest single off Homesick entitled I'm Made of Wax Larry, What Are You Made of? Really? That is the name of their song? Dear god.

Anyway, here are tour dates if you like them and the song is below the dates.

Mar 31, 2010          Ft. Lauderdale, FL, US @ Revolution
Apr 1, 2010            Tampa, FL, US @ The Ritz
Apr 2, 2010            Atlanta, GA, US @ Masquerade
Apr 3, 2010            Atlanta, GA, US @ Masquerade
Apr 4, 2010            Charlotte, NC, US @ Amos Southend
Apr 5, 2010            Norfolk, VA, US @ Norva
Apr 6, 2010            Baltimore, MD, US @ Sonar
Apr 7, 2010            Philadelphia, PA, US @ Electric Factory
Apr 8, 2010            Sayreville, NJ, US @ Starland Ballroom
Apr 9, 2010            New York, NY, US @ Nokia Theatre
Apr 10, 2010          New York, NY, US @ Nokia Theatre
Apr 12, 2010          Boston, MA, US @ House of Blues
Apr 13, 2010          Montreal, QC, CA @ Metropolis
Apr 14, 2010          Toronto, ON, CA @ Sound Academy
Apr 15, 2010          Royal Oak, MI, US @ Royal Oak Music Theatre
Apr 16, 2010          Cleveland, OH, US @ House of Blues
Apr 17, 2010          Cincinnati, OH, US @ Bogart's
Apr 18, 2010          Chicago, IL, US @ House of Blues
Apr 19, 2010          Chicago, IL, US @ House of Blues
Apr 20, 2010          Minneapolis, MN, US @ First Avenue
Apr 21, 2010          Winnipeg, MB, CA @ Garrick Centre
Apr 23, 2010          Edmonton, AL, CA @ Starlite Room
Apr 24, 2010          Calgary, AB, CA @ MacEwan Conference and Event Centre
Apr 26, 2010          Spokane, WA, US @ Knitting Factory Concert House
Apr 27, 2010          Seattle, WA, US @ Showbox SODO
Apr 28, 2010          Portland, OR, US @ Roseland Theater
Apr 29, 2010          San Francisco, CA, US @ The Regency Ballroom
Apr 30, 2010          Los Angeles, CA, US @ The Wiltern
May 1, 2010           San Diego, CA, US @ Soma
May 2, 2010           Pomona, CA, US @ The Fox Theater Pomona
May 3, 2010           Fresno, CA, US @ Rainbow Ballroom
May 5, 2010           Tempe, AZ, US @ Marquee Theatre
May 6, 2010           Las Vegas, NV, US @ Fremont East District
May 7, 2010           Magna, UT, US @ The Great Salt Air
May 8, 2010           Englewood, CO, US @ Gothic Theatre
May 10, 2010         Tulsa, OK, US @ Cain's Ballroom
May 11, 2010         Dallas, TX, US @ Palladium Ballroom
May 12, 2010         San Antonio, TX, US @ Sunset Station
May 13, 2010         Houston, TX, US @ Warehouse Live
May 14, 2010         New Orleans, LA, US @ House of Blues

        

In light of my KISS kids television program, we have helped KISS tap into a bloody market. A market that is over flowing with possibilities. KISS proudly announces KISS-pons, or the KISS tampons.

The KISS-pons will come in a 36 pack to represent the amount of years the band has been active. Each KISS member will represent a specific flow day.

Some days you just have a heavier flow than others. If that is the case, broad shoulders of a great frontman like Paul Stanley. His gentleness will absorb all the discharge and he will still ask if you want to be KISSED! 

If it is just a normal flow day, the legendary KISS bassist Greed $immons will be there to help you through. He is is a passionate lover who has the experience needed to soothe your aching vagina.

It it is a light flow day, you can turn to the worst drummer in rock n' roll history. Peter Criss is light in the musical talent category so he knows how to deal with your light flow days.

Each KISS-pon is wrapped in a black and silver KISS packaging and is coated in a smooth plastic applicator so your vaginal walls do not get too sore inserting them.



*Ace refused to sell his image for tampons. Perhaps he has a soul.

        

I want you to do some free association with me. I am going to write something and I want you to think of something music related. Ready?

Music ___________ This probably conjured up a thousand bands a second. Let's narrow it down.

70's: ____________ That should help. Now you have a decade to think about.

Comedy: _________ Hmm, now that severely limits the options. Perhaps Lemmy of Motorhead who is one of the funniest interviews ever.

Kids: ____________ Motorhead isn't really for kids. What does this leave?

KISS. That's who. Known for their comedic genius, KISS has teamed with E1 productions to create a comedic half-hour kids television series that galvanizes the band's iconic personas for its young fans.

I can't tell you the last time I saw a Greed $immons stand up, but man it was hilarious. All the jokes about how many women he has banged and how he loves selling his $oul for money. That Greed is a barrel of monkeys. A venerable tour de force of laughter.

To be serious for a second, KISS is a joke themselves and not known for their "comedy." I get more comedy out of their corporate greed and willingness to sell any product than they do. The only thing they haven't done is KISS-pons, the KISS tampon.

I can't see how this kids television show would be any good. But since I am a KISS fan, I will probably watch.

        

I apologize to the Canadian band Morre. They sent me their album ...Out There almost a month ago and it took me this long to review it. I could make shit up like, I broke my leg in a skiing accident or tell you the truth, I got an STD and needed to call the hookers on 4th street in for a lecture. Either way, I am truly sorry for the lapse in time.

Sometimes I stall on albums I fucking hate, but that wasn't the case with ...Out There. I liked this album. It is a bit more sophisticated than I am accustomed to. I like dirty produced, sounds like it spent the night doing drugs with Corey Haim, guitar solo heavy albums. Morre allow their guitars drive the song and the guitars provide the hooks and melodies, for the most part. But they simply sprinkle guitar solos throughout the song. Almost as if they are accentuating key parts of the song. A concept foreign to some bands who just think guitar solos sell the song.

Morre is a tasteful band. They let their musicianship do the talking. They don't need funny lyrics about nailing chicks or getting in fights. They let their musical skills shine through. And shine they do! Intricate melodies, multi tracked vocals, and precise rhythm all combine to create earworms (songs that stay with you days after hearing them). Morre's songs are like audio syphilis - dangerously contagious.

I really can't choose one performance from ...Out There that stands out. Adrian Tonceanu (vocals, guitars), Igor Lazebnik (vocals, guitars),  Paul Armstrong (bass, backing vocals) and Tyler Koch (drums, backing vocals) are all superior musicians. I can, however, pick my favorite song - Playing With Fire. The song has a great dance riff, sing-a-long lyrics, and stadium sized power. I was strutting around my apartment naked like a well hung Mick Jagger listening to this song. If I had heard this song months ago, I would have played it at my wedding. Sure, that would have cheapened the song because my wedding was at the Court House, but I think the others waiting in line would have danced too.

Morre isn't an artist like we have covered in the past. We cover whiskey soaked bands whose idea of singing is grabbing a ram horn and calling through it like a Viking. Those bands are lucky to play one instrument well. Morre plays many instruments well. I loved the diverse collections of instruments, strings, sitars, acoustic/electric on same song, etc. Each song was very different from the last. There clearly was no formula and that's a good thing.

It is one thing to pull these dulcet sounds off in a studio when you have days, weeks, and months to perfect each song. But can they pull these songs off in a live setting? I will guess yes, but until they come near Philadelphia, I will never know. My parole officer won't allow me to leave my house.

To sum up Morre, they are like a Led Zeppelin Pinot Noir. Take the sound of Led Zeppelin, add in a bit of modernization, a dash of World flavor, and let age in your iPod. I guarantee you Morre will age like fine wine and you will come back for Morre. Fuck that was a bad pun, but it works. Check out the band's MySpace site for future tour dates, previews of the songs off ...Out There, and to buy the album.



Photo courtesy of www.babak.ca. Check out his photography. Pretty cool stuff.

        

British extreme epic power metallers Dragonforce have now officially confirmed the departure of lead singer ZP Theart.

"It is with great regret that Dragonforce announce a parting of the ways with singer ZP Theart," the group writes in a statement. "This is due to insurmountable differences of musical opinion but the rest of the band sincerely wishes ZP great success with his future projects.

"While the creative core members have begun writing the fifth album, they have also started a worldwide search for a new vocalist."

"We are looking for a powerful, melodic singer to write a new chapter of Dragonforce with us," added guitarist Herman Li.

Anyone wishing to audition for the vacant position should apply by following the instructions at this location.

Qualifications for the job, you must be able to speak like the Micro Machines guy, have a high wail like your balls are in a vice, long hair, enjoy dragons, be a pharmacist at Walgreens, and drive a Subaru, but long to helm a Viking long ship.

Here is a Dragonforce song to get you started.

        

The Smashing Pumpkins bassist Ginger Pooley has left the band to raise her new baby with her husband. Billy Corgan has announced that he will look for a new bassist in the same manner as he found new drummer Mike Byrne last year: via an open audition process.

It might be beneficial if you can say the following phrases fluently:

"Damn Billy that sounds great."
"Corgan you are the best composer of the 90's."
"Billy that new song is the natural progression of old Pumpkins meets new Pumpkins."

These flattering statements will keep you employed with Corgan perhaps long enough for him to want to tour. Here is the information on how to apply for the job. I am guessing you can't just can't play Happy Birthday on the bass and be accepted.

Bassists and keyboardists looking to play with the PUMPKINS should send their background info (including age, a resume of any bands/recorded work), photos and performance web links via email only, either to pumpkinsbass@gmail.com or pumpkinskeys@gmail.com. Note: only musicians with video clips can be considered. YouTube.com-type posts are perfect — that's how Mike was found.

Final date for submission is March 31.

For more information, visit www.smashingpumpkins.com.

        

Dee Snider's Strangeland will be filmed in the scariest place I can think of...CLEVELAND! Mark Gillispie of The Plain Dealer reports that a Cleveland City Council committee on Tuesday (March 9) approved $1.2 million in loan guarantees for three planned feature-length films produced by Nehst Studios, a New York-based production company that has established an office in Cleveland.

One of those movies is the sequel to Dee Snider's Strangeland entitled Strangeland: Disciple. Dee Snider stars as the bad guy Captain Howdy, which is hilarious since that is what I call my penis. However, my penis will never be caught in Cleveland.

Nehst chairman Larry Meistrich had this to say about Cleveland as if it was a good thing:

"Within 40 miles of midtown Cleveland, you can find suburbs, ghettos, farmland, sports stadiums and a waterfront," Meistrich said. "That doesn't exist in a lot of places."

Actually, it's only 10 miles from Old City in Philadelphia to the ghettos and sports stadiums and waterfront. So if that is what you are looking for Meistrich, you mine as well film in Philadelphia. But I guess you didn't get the tax breaks required to film in such locations.

        

Ladies, how many times have you just not been into sex and wanted to read a book instead? Maybe a romance novel where you can pretend the creature thrusting lazily into you is actually Fabio or some other man you lust after. I bet it happens every weekend or maybe once a month. Well Amazon's Kindle can help you with this. While you ride your date that night, place the Amazon Kindle on his big beer belly and read War and Peace while he prematurely ejaculates.

Actually, you can now read this site while being penetrated, well as much as a 3" cock can penetrate. You can get your latest rock news and our fucked up views downloaded wirelessly to your Kindle device. Just click this link here and subscribe to the feed.

We want to inform you, Amazon sets pricing on this thing, but if you just love this site and want something entertaining to read instead of brailing your husband's hairy chest, then $1.99 is a small price to pay. We have sexified your computer and now want to invade, lovingly of course, your Amazon Kindle. Let us fill the void your drunken last resort could not.

        

Godsmack has released their new song Cryin' Like a Bitch. The song will appear off their upcoming studio album The Oracle. The song is supposedly about Nikki Sixx and all the bullshit the band had to endure on last summer's Cruefest.

One of the lyrics reads:

"Strut on by like a king/Telling everybody they know nothing/Long lived what you thought you were/Time ain't on your side anymore"

Hmm, that could be about Nikki or it could be about King Tut. Hard to say. Sully does say the song is inspired by what happened over last summer's Cruefest in the Rockpit.com webisode:



He further elaborated on the Cruefest drama in an interview with Hardrive Radio:

"There's definitely been some rock-star garbage on this tour that we just have never seen in our career . . . this was the first time that I felt like, 'You know what?! If there's gonna be some people that are gonna treat other people a certain way, then I'm gonna go out there every night and . . . make sure that we make you look old and fat, and go home with a nice big fat paycheck."

Either way, we called it like we saw it when we attended the tour last year. Godsmack was just a better show and Motley Crue sucked. Read our review here while listening to the new song Cryin Like a Bitch.

        

I am still pissed that the Gruesome Twosome tour (Article here) with Rob Zombie and Alice Cooper is only touring Canadia and the Pacific Northwest. Especially following the news that Rob Zombie has tapped Slipknot drummer Joey Jordison as his touring drummer.

Joey had this to say about touring with Zombie:

“I am honored, proud and excited to announce that I have joined the ranks as the new touring drummer for Rob Zombie. I’ve been a fan of Zombie’s since the beginning. I’ve toured with them and have always wanted to play for them.  When John 5 called me up to ask if I knew any drummers I could recommend,  I said, only half-jokingly, ‘Yeah, me!”

Here are the tour dates for the Cooper/Zombie tour:

Apr. 26 - Winnipeg, MB - MTS Centre
Apr. 27 - Saskatoon, SK - Credit Union
Apr. 28 - Edmonton, AB- Rexall Place
Apr. 29 - Calgary, AB - Corral
May 01 - Vancouver, BC - Pacific Coliseum
May 02 - Kennewick, WA - Toyota Center
May 04 - Casper, WY - Casper Events Center

Isn't that pathetic? I think the real reason this tour is so short is because Zombie will be headlining the Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Cats Fucking Dogs Outdoor Boost Mobile Festival. He will headlining with KORN.

Those dates look like this:

July 10 — San Bernardino, CA @ San Manuel Amphitheater
July 11 — Mountain View, CA @ Shoreline Amphitheatre
July 13 — Auburn, WA @ White River Amphitheater Southeast
July 16 — Phoenix, AZ @ Cricket Wireless Pavilion
July 17 — Albuquerque, NM @ Journal Pavilion
July 18 — Englewood, CO @ Fiddlers Green Amphitheatre
July 20 — Maryland Heights, MO @ Verizon Wireless Amphitheater
July 21 — Cincinnati, OH @ Riverbend Music Center
July 23 — Camden, NJ @ Susquehanna Bank Center
July 24 — Hartford, CT @ The Comcast Theatre
July 25 — Montreal, QC @ Parc Jean Drapeau
July 27 — Mansfield, MA @ Comcast Center
July 28 — Holmdel, NJ @ P.N.C. Bank Arts Center
July 30 — Clarkston, MI @ DTE Energy Music Theatre
July 31 — Noblesville, IN @ Verizon Wireless Music Center
August 1 — Atlanta, GA @ Lakewood Amphitheatre
August 4 — Virginia Beach, VA @ Virginia Beach Amphitheater
August 6 — Tinley Park, IL @ First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre
August 7 — Pittsburgh, PA @ Po — Gazette Pavilion At Star Lake
August 8 — Bristow, VA @ Nissan Pavilion at Stone Ridge
August 10 — Tampa, FL @ Ford  Amphitheatre
August 11 — We — Palm Beach, FL @ Cruzan Amphitheater
August 13 — Dallas, TX @ Superpages.com Center
August 14 — Oklahoma City, OK @ Zoo Amphitheatre

        

Nickelodeon is creating a limited-edition series of celebrity-designed backpacks for auction this summer. With more participants to be announced shortly, VELVET REVOLVER/ex-GUNS N' ROSES guitarist Slash and Shakira, along with Salma Hayek Pinault and John Leguizamo, will put their personal touches on special Dora-themed backpacks. A limited quantity of each backpack will be auctioned off globally in countries including the United States, France, the U.K., Mexico, Canada, Spain, The Netherlands, Greece, Australia, New Zealand and Israel. One hundred percent of the U.S. proceeds will benefit the Children's Defense Fund. One hundred percent of international proceeds will go toward childhood education in each respective country.

I used to have one of those L.L.Bean backpacks with my initials on them. Unfortunately my real initials spell COW. (Craig Oswald Wettner) I used to get made fun of because I was a chubby child and my initials, of course, brought that to attention.

My parents never understood what the problem was. "Why are you not enthralled with your initials?" "Because they spell COW was not a valid excuse. If I had a cool backpack designed by my hero John Leguizamo, maybe the kids wouldn't have teased me so bad. I mocked up what my favorite Leguizamo design might look like.