Blogs N' Roses

SXSW Is a Corporate Joke

I find myself now elbow deep in baby shit and nothing else to do in the late night hours than watch 24 hour news networks in a zombie state. I saw the sad news out of SXSW where a drunk driver intentionally plowed through festival attendees. Two people lost their life, and when I last checked, 23 were injured. It is a sad state for a festival that started out cool and has turned into a corporate suckfest.

A brief history of the festival. In the 1980's Austin was a small, dormant college town with a remarkable local music scene. Lots of talented bands flooded the nightly bar scene with hopes and dreams of making it big. Many of those bands went unnoticed and unsigned by the major record labels. Why? Well because Austin was so far removed from New York City, Los Angeles, and even Nashville.

To help get these talented bands exposure, and hopefully a record deal, the local music enthusiasts and music people decided to create a grass-roots music festival to showcase these unsigned bands. The intent was to be regional unsigned bands, but it was such a great idea many national bands decided to get in on the act. The local music enthusiasts and music promoters lured the record label A&R guys to Austin with free booze, food, and the chance to cull from a concentrated pool of talent rather than scour every dive bar in Topeka and Des Moines looking for that "Next Big Thing."

It was a great success! So much so that music journalists and scenesters started to take notice. It didn't hurt that there was free flowing booze and food. Then the record labels thought "Hey, since Spin and Rolling Stone are down there anyway, how about we use the festival to showcase our already newly signed bands to try to create some buzz about them?" This was also a resounding success, which brought even more journalists and scenesters, and deli tray vultures to Austin.

Then with all those journalists, scenesters, and deli tray vultures gathered around, organizers thought "Hey this would be a good way to promote films," and SXSW Film Festival was added on to the music festival. This brought even more journalists, scenesters, deli tray vultures, and now movie critics to Austin.

Then the late 90's/early 2000's happened with the proliferation of the internet. This brought even more journalists, scenesters, deli tray vultures, critics, and now bloggers to Austin. Then the gigantic major label acts said "Hey, this would be a good platform to launch my new mega-project." That idea brought in even more journalists, scenesters, deli tray vultures, critics, bloggers, and now mainstream news. Then organizers decided to tack on SXSW Interactive, this brought even more even journalists, scenesters, deli tray vultures, critics, bloggers, mainstream news, and now super douchey dot com venture capitalists.

SXSW has become nothing more than a weeklong mass marketing/advertising festival, where any mega-corporation coming out with a new automobile/beer/snack product intended for the 19-44 bourgeois, white, target demographic pitches their widget to a herd of bored, hungover, dead-eyed laminate-pass zombies looking for freebies.

Lost in the corporate suckitude is the intention of the festival - signing undiscovered bands. I would venture to say that less and less unsigned bands are being signed from this festival. But you can go to the festival and learn about EA new phone app, LADY GAGA's new social campaign, or Rockstar's new energy bar. Won't be long until everyone ruins Austin City Limits.

Going on Hiatus

I didn't think it was going to happen, but it did. After years of abuse and having a hot laptop on my junk, I thought I was sterile. But it only takes one, albeit weak, sperm cell to reach an egg and you get a child. I told many women I slept with I had a vasectomy courtesy of Dell. They still let me go raw. (They slept with me because they weren't bright.) Well after years of dodging bullets and many scares, it finally happened.

You can only dodge the bullets long enough before you are shot and you can only fight nature long enough before she shoves an ungrateful tiny human hell bent on Kurt Cobaining their skull in your possession.

It has taken me two paragraphs to essentially say I knocked some chick up and now have to be a father. You probably noticed the lack of updates over the past nine months, and now you know why. I know a lot of you are scared as to what kind of disgusting parent I am going to be and the only assurance I can offer you is, the filthiest. But my child is never EVER going to hear VAN HAGAR in my house.

I am going to keep the site up as a sort of last will and testament as to my halcyon days of when I put rock n' roll and masturbation above life. I will keep the site renewed for bands that I have reviewed so they can keep their links to my reviews active.

I will remain active on Twitter using it as an off-the-cuff response to various musical things I hear in my passing. Feel free to join me over there. I will write on the site when inspired, but imagine that won't be often with custody battles and shitty diapers looming.

You can also harass me on Twitter saying my child will grow up to be a porn star. Of course, I'll encourage that and be the first in line to get the movie signed.

Every generation is looking for a style of music to make their own. My generation took the 70s bloated bullshit and the 80s over production and stripped it and made it moody (grunge). The next generation is taking electronic dance music of the 80s and 90s and infusing it in the clubs and into the pop world. Bands wanting hits have to utilize the electronic element to be successful and sell. It's just not my idea of good music.

I feel awful we couldn't break more artists into the mainstream in my tenure in the scene. I just hope you're at least aware rock still exists even if it's not mainstream. Join me on Twitter and we can drink PBR's and talk about the good ol' days and be regular rock hipsters together.

I've been around long enough to see the world cycle upon itself. Rock will have another shot at the title, but until then we have to adapt and float with the tide. Keep rock alive in the meantime. Teach the kids about the rock greats and give them the opportunity to be who they want to be and who they want to emulate. When they grow up we can have our rock heyday again!

I have an awesome camera setup now and can come to the gigs, when I'm not babysitting, and snap shots of your band keeping the rock alive. I will send them over to you free of charge (well just the price of admission to the show).

I have learned way too much from KISS and will not call this a farewell. It's only a hiatus until I can find more time to dedicate to the site.

I thought I would break with two songs from a Philadelphia band that sum up my feelings exactly on child rearing. These two CINDERELLA songs encapsulate my feelings, Somebody Save Me, and Shake Me:


Introducing RAVE LA KILL's Single Born to Be

The rock music business is nearly dead. We can argue this fact, but the strong fact is that rock isn't getting played on traditional formats anymore and therefore not selling or getting the push by the record companies. Does that make one thing dead? Not to me or my iPod, but to a majority of people...yes. One thing that is selling is electronic dance music (EDM) and acts that are able to fuse EDM with other genres. In the music industry you need to adapt — enter RAVE LA KILL.

Two of my favorite bands are WILDSTREET and SEX SLAVES. Those bands are still together, but two of the members (J Bomb and Eric Jayk) teamed up with Felix Skiver of SICK MIND to create RAVE LA KILL.

RAVE LA KILL released their first single Born to Be on February 11 and I haven't stopped listening to it. The single fuses electronic drums and Eric/Felix's glam guitars to create a sound for a dystopian future.

The single combines electronic elements very similarly to how MICHAEL JACKSON mixed the two elements. While maybe not intentional, the electronic hook for Born to Be has a vibe like Beat It or Bad. The electronic beat by JACKSON is cleaner than RAVE LA KILL's beat, which is by design. If I heard Eric or J Bomb produce something crystal clear, I would have to do this to them:

Bitch Slap

I think the song does a great job at two things: showcasing what the band is about and getting me excited to hear more. I am slowly jerking my dick in anticipation of the EP. Don't make me cum to old WILDSTREET, SEX SLAVES, or SICK MIND material...because I will!

RAVE LA KILL Born to Be Album Art


The band has a website, Facebook and a Twitter account for you to keep up with their activities. You can also find the new single on iTunes. Go...buy it! 

MOTLEY CRUE Announce Farewell Tour

MOTLEY CRUE announced yesterday that this is their last tour EVER! They even signed a Cessation of Touring agreement at the press conference to, you know, really nail home the point they are done.

The band announced a 72 date tour crossing most of North America in 2014 and Worldwide in 2015. The tour, dubbed The Final Tour, features ALICE COOPER as the opener and a Vince Neil who still can't sing at the helm of the CRUE.

All four members are in agreement that they don't want to be 60 and playing Crue music. They also don't want only one band member using the name, MOTLEY CRUE, to play the songs the four of them made famous. It's a nice thought, but very hard to do.

Typically Farewell tours sell well because fans are suckers for the fact they may never see their favorite band live again. But there are only a handful of bands who have stuck to the "we are done touring" sentiment. But then those bands that have said that, have done one off dates and rumors of them touring are consistent from year to year. I am talking about LED ZEPPELIN and PINK FLOYD. Both bands said they would never tour; they have never toured. But both have done one off dates and seen members tour behind different albums (Roger Waters and The Wall).

The long running joke in Rock N' Roll is to never do a Farewell tour because you will always come back and tour. But I contend that MOTLEY CRUE should have retired after the 2005 Carnival of Sins tour.

I reported back in August the band was going to tour one final time and in that article I laid out my case for them calling it quits after the Carnival of Sins tour. My stance has not changed and I won't be seeing this tour. MOTLEY CRUE just isn't the same anymore. No one is really. To quote GODSMACK's song about NIKKI SIXX and MOTLEY CRUE:

And long live what you thought you were
And time ain't on your side anymore

The Twitter hashtag for this tour is #RIPMotleyCrue, but they have been dead since 2006. And I could be swayed that they have been dead since 1991.

But we will get that Dirt movie no one has been clamoring for except the band. Directed by Jackass's Jeff Tremaine (great choice). No further details have been released about the project, but expect it to ruin the memory of that classic book.

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Grammy Awards 2014 "Recap"

The Grammy awards were last night in Los Angeles. The Grammy's dub themselves as "music's biggest night" because "corporate cock sucking and hand jobs for top sellers" isn't as appealing.

I have had many vocal outbursts about how irrelevant the Grammy awards have become over the years. There are too many missteps to name them all but famous ones Metallica losing best hard rock performance to Jethro Tull, Milli Vanilli winning a Grammy for Best New Artist even though they lip synced their entire performances, The Who, Led Zeppelin (1), Jimi Hendrix all don't have Grammy awards despite being some of the most influential bands in the history of Rock N' Roll, and the list goes on and on. Zeppelin got one last night for their album Celebration Day, but it took them YEARS to get it and they lost in another category to Imagine Dragons.

If you were to just watch the Grammy awards and listen to the radio, you would come to the conclusion rock is dead. I assure you, it is not dead, it's just not profitable for the major labels anymore. It is easier to produce and create a pop/dubstep album that sells a bazillion records than it is to create a best selling rock album.

One of the reasons is the dying of mainstream rock radio formats. You can say that people can buy satellite radio and get all the rock they want, but the average person isn't buying satellite radio. Terrestrial radio accounts for a large percentage of the people listening to music.

I want you to think of your market; mine is Philadelphia. How many rock stations are in your market. We have two (93.3 WMMR; 104.5 WRFF). One plays mainstream rock (Seether/Shinedown) one plays alternative (Passion Pit/Capital Cities). They do not compete with one another in essence. The listeners are different demographics (WMMR trending older than 18 and WRFF trending younger).

Two and that's it in the fifth most populous radio market in the country. (New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston are the others if you were interested).

Part of the problem is the selection of the rock albums by the Grammy Selection Committee. I don't know how they choose what albums to include in each category (and it doesn't really matter anyway). There were Grammy "snubs" for albums that were better than Imagine Dragon's album (Pearl Jam's Lightening Bolt for instance).

There are a lot of great rock n' roll bands producing great music. Every Monday I attempt to uncover these new bands on our Twitter account. But sadly, these hard working rock bands will never get to the heights the rock greats before them did (selling out arenas around the world). Rock artists now should be happy if they can sell out a 3,000 seat club venue.

Think about that for a minute. How many new rock artists are out there capable of selling out an arena. At this moment, I can't think of one. Arcade Fire is going to attempt an arena run this spring in North America, but they have been around since 2001. Maybe Mumford and Sons, but I will staunchly fight you on the classification of those folk posers as rock.

Rock isn't selling. It shows you what the Grammys think about rock when the first rock award you find on their site is almost 2/3 of the way down the page. Not to mention the Queens of the Stone Age, Trent Reznor, Lindsay Buckingham collaboration was saved until the last minute and then cut short. Fuck the Grammy's and their annual irrelevance.

Kirk Hammett Says People They Counted on Didn't Buy Tickets for Movie

Kirk Hammett has revealed in a new interview with Stereogum, that he was disappointed in the response to Metallica's Through the Never 3D concert film.

I really, really thought that we made a really, really great movie. I’ll be very blunt about it. We put so much time and so much effort and made sure it was exactly the way that we envisioned it. Our fans definitely went to movie theaters and saw the film, but the people that we were counting on to buy movie tickets — which was your casual moviegoer — they weren’t as motivated to buy a ticket as our fans. For us, that was a big question mark. Why? We couldn’t figure it out. We know we made a great movie and we felt good about it, but now it’s time for us to move onto our next thing.

The film took in only 3.4 million in the United States and cost METALLICA, who financed the movie out of their pocket, 18 million to make, produce, and market. That is a failure and Kirk couldn't understand why the casual movie public didn't go and see it. Let me help you out Kirk and it's really easy to see if you aren't sniffing your own shit. The casual public doesn't give a shit about a concert movie featuring a band who hasn't been relevant in decades.

When an adult is looking at how to spend 30 bucks for a movie ticket, they are looking for more than "OOOH watch out man here comes a motolov cocktail thrown at the audience in 3D." You also need more than a METALLICA soundtrack to bring in the people. The story was a thinly veiled attempt at covering up concert footage. Bottom line is that the movie was a something fans weren't really clamoring for and the premise for the narrative made zero sense. Even the band couldn't really describe it. Here was the press release describing the movie:

The film stars METALLICA, one of the most popular, influential rock bands in history. In the music-driven, 3D motion picture event, filmmaker Nimród Antal immerses audiences in a bracing, raw and visceral cinematic experience with spectacular live performance footage of METALLICA's most iconic songs — created exclusively for film — combined with a bold, narrative story featuring imagery drawn from the band's trailblazing iconography. Dane DeHaan portrays Trip, a young roadie sent on an urgent mission, during the METALLICA's roaring live set in front of a sold-out arena.

Maybe the movie will do better on DVD sales, where concert films generally do better. But my advice to the band is...stick to music. You are arguably good at that stick to it. Stop with the making of the "movies."

I think this is my favorite Kirk Hammett article I have written. Try not to think of that when looking at him from now on.

An Exclusive Interview with Gaggle of Cocks

There is a band called GAGGLE OF COCKS who inhabit the gutters of New York City's lower East side. They scrawled an email and sent it off via carrier rat to the gutters of Philadelphia, where I, Craig Wettner - The Rat King, found it. They spoke highly of the site and needed help in getting the word out about their band. Hell with a band name like GAGGLE OF COCKS, how can I not? So without further ado, my exclusive interview with the band GAGGLE OF COCKS.

BnR: How many cocks are in a gaggle? Is there a legal basis for that number?

GOC: After much deliberation, research and scientific study, it has been determined that a gaggle of cocks must include no less than three and can number up to five. After that, it becomes several, whereas two cocks only is a couple of cocks. Side note: "Few" also is another monicker that would be apropos, however, it doesn't carry the same dramatic impact.

BnR: How did the band decide on the name GAGGLE OF COCKS?

GOC: We wanted to make our lives as difficult as humanly possible.

BnR: I enjoy hookers because they allow me to listen to any type of music I want. If I was going to score with a normal woman, what album (besides your own) would you recommend?

GOC: This has been established many years ago by the great prophet, Mike Damone who said, "When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV."

BnR: Some bands shy away from controversy, but I have a feeling Gaggle of Cocks doesn't care about that. So who is the whoriest whore to ever sing a song?

GOC: Tough question as the heights and limits of whoredom seem to be ever expanding, but I'd put my money on Pat Boone, who despite being a man, is absolutely a filthy little whore.

BnR: I noticed that you had the esteemed honor of having one of your songs included on the Dog the Bounty Hunter TV show. The word on the street is that you had to suck Dog Chapman's penis. Care to set the record straight?

GOC: We actually had two songs on there, you wouldn't believe what we had to do to get the second one on. I don't even think the English language has a word for it. I still wake up with night terrors as a result.

BnR: What is your sure fire pick up line that just gets a woman's panties so wet that you could drown a toddler in them? Mine is "Are we on Nickelodeon? Because I want to slime you."

GOC: Nothing gets a woman wet like a Gaggle Of Cocks.

BnR: Where does inspiration come for Gaggle of Cocks?

GOC: Glenn Beck, every song we write is for him.

BnR: I always ask this of my guests because song writing fascinates me. How does Gaggle of Cock craft a song?

GOC: We watch Glenn Beck, smoke a lot of weed, rub shoe polish all over our bodies, then let 'er rip!

BnR: A little bit ago a man in Florida chewed the face off of another man. Let's pretend you are a sommelier, what wine would you pair with human flesh?

GOC: Gotta be a red wine for sure, perhaps a nice Chianti?

BnR: Can you peer into your crystal testicles and let our readers know what the future holds for this band and perhaps this site?

GOC: We're all gonna die, might as well get used to the idea. I suppose we'd like to be the soundtrack.

Thanks to the band GAGGLE OF COCKS for taking time to answer the best questions ROLLING STONE never had the balls to ask. The band has released their Low Class Trendsetter, which you can buy on iTunes or take a quick listen on Soundcloud. Here is a quick sample of their music...sexmusic:

FINCH Premieres Video for Letters To You (Live)

Remember FINCH? You might not because they were one of those flash in the pans, post-hardcore bands that had one hit in the early 2000s. If you remember their hit song Letters To You, you may have bought their album What It Is To Burn.

If you are a fan of ROLLING ROCK, you may remember a short lived festival called the Rolling Rock Town Fair, which was a rock festival that took the more popular rock acts and mashed them together on one bill in the middle of Latrobe, PA. In 2004, FINCH was part of that bill with DISTURBED and a two-year beef came to a head on that fateful day.

I am grabbing replays from this MTV article on the feud:

As the revolving stage rotated to reveal Finch preparing to begin their set, Disturbed guitarist Don Donegan approached Finch guitarist Randy Strohmeyer and a scuffle erupted. As Strohmeyer's bandmates and members of their crew came to his aid, witnesses said, Disturbed singer David Draiman and their manager, Jeff Battaglia, entered the fray, and fists began to fly. Although no injuries were reported and no criminal complaints are expected to be filed, one Finch bandmember was swinging his guitar wildly and narrowly missed hitting Draiman over the head.

When the smoke cleared, Finch resumed their set. Afterward, security walked them to their tour bus, which was then escorted off the premises to prevent further incident because Disturbed, their crew and members of Sevendust, who were also on the bill, were waiting backstage.


The article goes into further details about the backstory on the feud between the two bands, but I would say it was DISTURBED who got the last laugh. DISTURBED went on to sell millions of records and FINCH went on to sell lawn equipment and cheeseburgers back in their hometown of Temecula, California.

Well I can proudly say, FINCH is back with a brand new edition of What It Is To Burn...a LIVE album. What It Is To Burn X will be released on 2.25.2014 and you can pre-order it here.

The live cd/dvd was recorded and filmed at The Glasshouse in Pomona, CA where the band performed their full-length in its entirety. Zippity Do Da! Here is a live video performance of their hit Letters to You. You'll recognize it I am sure.



Well I am really glad they got 20 people to actually show up to this event. Good job FINCH! A winner is You!

A winner is you photo WinnerYou_zpsa9805670.jpeg

Jason Newsted Opens Up About Why He Left METALLICA

Jason Newsted finally speaks about the REAL reason he left METALLICA back on January 17, 2001. Let's jump in our wayback machine to the year 2000.

METALLICA had just released S&M on November 23, 1999. They released Reload the year before and churned out rock radio mediocrity for most of the 90s. Jason was tired of churning out the run-of-the-mill METALLICA anthems and formed ECHOBRAIN with a few of his friends.

Initially METALLICA was ok with this because the two bands were distinctly different, but as time went on, James Hetfield began to have trouble with the side project. Jason in his own words speaking with ScuzzTV:

“They felt Echobrain was that good, the singer was that good, and it didn’t affect Metallica because it was a totally different kind of thing, and I was in Metallica; that would give it its pedigree already.”

However, Hetfield was “not happy” about Echobrain. “He was, I think, pretty much out to put the kibosh on the whole thing because it would somehow affect Metallica in his eyes,” Newsted continues. “Because now the managers were interested in something I was doing that had nothing to do with him.” A few days later, Newsted received a phone call from their manager saying they weren’t going to back him with“that Echobrain thing.”

A few die-hard METALLICA friends claimed Jason was a dumbass for leaving METALLICA. He had it made, they said. He plays bass in front of a large audience nightly, lives the life he always wanted to as a musician, and doesn't have to worry about money.

My point has always been Jason is an artist who needs to constantly be creatively stimulated. Stagnation is the ruination of an artist and kills creativity. And METALLICA in the 90s was stagnant. They got away from what made them global namesakes and that was irritating to fans of the band like myself and Newsted was a fan of METALLICA before joining them.

I think that Newsted's done far more interesting things since leaving METALLICA (ECHOBRAIN, VOIVOD) and spread his wings bass wise (OZZY, GOV'T MULE). Jason made the right decision in mind as an artist. He had the money he needed and lacked the freedom to express his creativity. So...leave what oppresses you. Plus after he left, METALLICA did St. Anger and had that Some Kind of Monster documentary...which was a huge mistake.

KISS Lead List of Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame Inductees

Well, that's not really true. KISS will be inducted into the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame on April 10, 2014 at the Barclay's Center in Brooklyn, NY. However, they are not really leading the list of inductees. I would say that NIRVANA, Peter Gabriel, and HALL & OATES lead, but KISS certainly is heading to the hall.

For years the band and their fans have lobbied for their inclusion in the rock hall of fame that includes Donna Summer and ABBA. Let's not fool ourselves here, KISS hasn't done anything special. They didn't revolutionize music, like say NIRVANA. They weren't the voice of a generation, Peter Gabriel, Linda Ronstadt, and Cat Stevens. They were a couple of guys with mediocre talent who stumbled upon a gimmick and sold the shit out of the image. Brilliant, yes! But Hall of Fame worthy? I guess so.

I love KISS as much as the next guy, in fact, I have more unmasked KISS than I bet you do. That's how much of a fan I am, but I need to look at this realistically what have they done to push the envelope of rock music? Album wise, nothing stands out in the sex tapes of rock n' roll. Where KISS does stand out from their contemporaries is their live show. Night in and night out you get a big and loud stage show and no less than 100% from the guys each performance. That is to be commended that after 30+ years to still have the passion and desire to go out there and perform for fans old and new is hall of fame worthy. And this gesture shows that the hall of fame is attempting to kill the old guard and usher in a new one.

Fan favorites RUSH lead the inductees last year after previously being shunned. KISS marks the second year where the Hall has listened to the fans opinions. This new dedication to the fans rather than some stodgy suit sitting in L.A. is important to notice. In fact, fans can buy tickets to the event for the first time since the induction ceremonies started becoming a thing.

Other inductees are worthy as well, Upper Darby's finest HALL & OATES and Linda Ronstadt were some of my favorites growing up for solid musical understanding and craftsmanship. This wasn't the best year for Linda who announced she had Parkinson's and could no longer perform. I hope she gives one final performance at the ceremony, which would be a fitting send off to a remarkable woman.

I think this is the second year in a row that I have been happy with the inductees into the hall of fame because they made sense. Now if we can get in other deserving nominees like DEEP PURPLE, we'd finally be able to take our hall back!

Other great news about this induction, Greed $immons agreed to entertain the idea of letting Ace Frehley and Peter Criss to be at the ceremony and even perform with the band. Here's to hoping that reunion helps foster relationships and we can get the original cat-man and space-man on the next KISS tour.

Beyonce Finally Does Something Cool - Releases Phantom Album

There is a growing trend in the music industry which I am loving. I am calling them "Phantom Album Drops," but I am sure people more clever than myself can come up with some neologism for it. The idea is simple, the album is ready to go and it's released without any promotion or fanfare to digital retailers. Then through word of mouth, the people start to download it.

David Bowie did it earlier in the year. Did you even know Bowie released an album this year? He did it overnight and just let people find it on iTunes or Amazon. Beyonce just did the same thing last week (12.12.13) and the release crashed iTunes servers.

For a while in the early 2000's, a bunch of artists went on national TV talking about when their album dropped, wore ostentatious outfits telling people when the album dropped, and hyped up the album. But in this day with digital mediums available, why wait? Artists used to finish albums and then pass it off to be pressed for vinyl, cassettes, CDs. Then they had to be shipped out and then released on Tuesday (in the US). But now with those mediums dying, you can just hand your digital source over to iTunes or Amazon the day it's done.

This isn't for everyone. Artists like Beyonce could release an album of her queefing and people would buy it just because she's Beyonce. Bowie is a different story, since he was presumed retired and then he releases a single and then his album hits retailers overnight. A new band, can't really get away with that, especially if you are relatively unknown.

If the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus releases an album overnight, does anyone notice? Probably just their fans, so they need to hype the album and get a fervor going.

I am a fan of the phantom album release. It cuts down on the stupid interviews about the album "oh what was your particular inspiration on this track." More artists need to release their albums overnight.

CAGE THE ELEPHANT GUITARIST Gone From the Band

The band isn't confirming the departure of guitarist Lincoln Parrish, but I shook my Magic 8-ball and it said "All Signs Point to YES" when I asked "Did Lincoln Parrish quit CAGE THE ELEPHANT?"

Before I shatter a lot of worlds with this devastating news, I must have proof right? Well Lincoln has been removed from the touring schedule AND the band's website no longer lists him in the band. Secondly, these cryptic tweets from Lincoln's personal Twitter account.

Lincoln Parrish quits Cage photo LincolnParrishQuits_zps81aaa65c.png

You can visually confirm if Lincoln is in the band because the band plays Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight at 11:35pm EST. While waiting for that to happen, check out the band's video Come a Little Closer where Matt Shultz represents North Pocono High School.


H/T Bob Wettner for the heads up on Parrish seemingly leaving the band.

STONE SOUR Announce Headlining Tour with POP EVIL

How about a little STONE SOUR and POP EVIL in the winter to really brighten up the shitty winter months in the United States? Well if you like those two bands, you will just go apeshit over this tour.

STONE SOUR is promoting their new album House of Gold & Bones Part 2 and their new single is currently number 2 on the Billboard Top 200 charts. You can see the official video for Tired below the tour dates....which are coming at your face like a mandingo dick right now.

1/14 – Lake Buena Vista, Fla. – House Of Blues Orlando
1/15 – Charlotte, N.C. – Fillmore Charlotte
1/17 – Baltimore, Md. – Rams Head Live
1/18 – New York, N.Y.– Irving Plaza
1/19 – Philadelphia, Pa. – Theater Of Living Arts
1/21 – Sayreville, N.J. – Starland Ballroom
1/22 – Boston, Mass. – House Of Blues
1/24 – Cleveland, Ohio – Houes Of Blues
1/25 – Fort Wayne, Ind. – Piere’s
1/26 – Cincinnati, Ohio – Bogart’s
1/28 – Chicago, Ill. – House Of Blues
1/31 – Minneapolis, Minn. – Skyway Theatre
2/1 – Sioux Falls, S.D. – The District
2/3 – Denver, Colo. – Ogden Theatre
2/5 – West Hollywood, Calif. – House Of Blues
2/6 – Anaheim, Calif. – House Of Blues
2/8 – Las Vegas, Nev. – House Of Blues
2/9 – Tempe, Ariz. – The Marquee
2/11 – El Paso, Texas – Tricky Falls
2/13 – Dallas, Texas – House Of Blues
2/14 – Houston, Texas – House Of Blues
2/15 – San Antonio, Texas – Backstage Live


Sheesh the production on that guitar is some of the best money can buy. It is crystal clear and super clean and polished. I am not really a fan of the song, but I love that production even though I am more of "I recorded this with Wild Bill passing me lotion" sound.

FACES To Tour in 2015?

Rod Stewart said that is "likely" to play with FACES in 2015. Speaking to WZLX in Boston, Rod said that plans to record an album with Jeff Beck fell through and that he and Ronnie Wood were planning a Faces reunion.

"I think we have got much more of a change of getting the FACES back together, in fact, Ronnie's office is talking to my people, and we're ear-marking 2015."

That is hilarious to me. Rod can't call up Ronnie directly and work this reunion out. They have "people" to get this done and tell them where and when they can play.

It seems like every year around the holidays, I write an article about a FACES reunion that never seems to happen in the new year. Wood is a slave to the ROLLING STONE machine, and they are playing Australia, Dubai, and Southeast Asia next year. This is one reason why this reunion has yet to happen. The other is the general flakiness of Stewart, whose voice was lost sometime around 1985.

This reunion and the rumors about it always tears me in half. For one, I'd love to see Wood/Stewart on-stage together playing old FACES tunes. The other side doesn't want the images of the band performing in the 70s to be ruined by a man who looks like he opened the Arc of the Covenant from Indiana Jones and a man who couldn't find his voice with a time machine.

We were deprived of the FACES reunion we deserve when the band was inducted into the Rock N' Roll Hall of Sham in 2012. Rod Stewart got the flu and couldn't perform so Mike Hucknall of SIMPLY RED filled the void. (article about that here)

I guess we are right on time then with the FACES reunion article on the eve of a ROLLING STONES world tour when Ronnie will be busy for the better part of a year and when ROD has nothing better to do.

Since Ronnie Lane is dead and was a big part of this band, can we rebrand the reunion as "The Facelifts"? That would make more sense.

METALLICA Cancels Orion Music + More Festival for 2014

METALLICA's annual Orion Music + More festival is no longer an annual event. METALLICA announced that the festival will take a year off in 2014 because the festival would have conflicted with their European summer tour dates. The festival's spokesperson said that METALLICA still may do the festival next year (2015), though it isn't clear if it will return to Detroit.

This festival bothers me because it started in Atlantic City and had great numbers, but METALLICA decided to move the festival to Detroit and the numbers declined. They couldn't see the fact that taking the festival out of a setting that was equidistant between Philly, NYC, Baltimore, and DC made no sense. Instead they moved the festival to Detroit, a city filing for bankruptcy.

Maybe people are tiring of METALLICA. An annual music festival, a 3D concert movie, playing ridiculous locales (Antartica). Perhaps the public is just METALLICA'd out? I recently wrote an article about how I don't understand how or why the band is popular anymore. It could be that we have reached the apex of how much METALLICA we can stomach from year in and year out.

Former LOSTPROPHETS Frontman Pleads Guilty to Attempted Baby Rape

I wrote last year that Ian Watkins, former lead singer of LOSTPROPHETS, was in some serious shit. He was accused of attempting to rape a baby. Well that fucking disgusting human being plead guilty to the charges in a UK court. I am going to paraphrase some of the details because they are disgusting and just beyond comprehension. If I get some of the details wrong, forgive me. You can read them if you care to at Metal Injection and HuffPoUK.

I am paraphrasing their reports for the betterment of my sanity and yours. I have NEVER placed this disclaimer on the site before because I talk about some disgusting stuff, but what follows is the most despicable and heinous acts on a baby. Just when you think it couldn't get worse, it does. Please stop reading if you do not think you can handle it. Close the browser and go outside and enjoy life. If you are still with me, here we go.

Ian Watkins plead guilty to two counts of attempting to rape a baby and various other charges that include conspiring to rape another child. He has denied that he actually did rape, but did admit to making an attempt at raping. Whatever the fuck that means.

He admitted to sexually assaulting a child under the age of 13 and aiding and abetting the female co-defendant (whose children who were involved). Her name is being kept out of the reports for the sake of the children. He plead guilty to indecent images of children and extreme pornography of beastiality.

The women in the trial admitted to sexually abusing their own children at the request of Watkins and offered their children up to be abused by Watkins. Watkins used his fame as the lead singer of LOSTPROPHETS to "feed his sexual desires."

Drug abuse was involved in these cases as one of the abused children's hair tested positive for methamphetamine exposure. There was various discussions of "whoring" the children out to others. Watkins would get on SKYPE and watch as the one woman sexually abused her child for his amusement. Watkins referred to the woman and her child as his "slave duo" and was seen pleasuring himself on split SKYPE screen. The mother refers to her baby as "your [Watkins] little fuck toy." She sent him pictures performing acts on the child and when the police raided Watkins' house, they found video tapes, pictures, and the uploads to an online cloud service called The Cloud.

The home recordings were under aged girls who were fans of his band. One girl who was 16 flew to New York to see him and the film shows them having oral and full sex while he asks her "Do you like being my underage slut?" Then Watkins finishes the video tape by pissing all over her and saying "drink my piss."

There was also a 17 minute video involving the co-defendant and Watkins where Watkins performs a sex act on the child with a follow up email between the two saying that next time they would not go "easy" on the child. It is also reported that Watkins password was "ifuckkids"

Just horrific details of three completely deranged human beings. I hope he never sees the light of day for these heinous acts against a baby. I have had this sick feeling as I wrote this article and hope most of my readers haven't made it this far.

If you have, don't punish the rest of the band for this sickos actions. They had no idea it was going on and are glad it it's over. Lee Gaze, the guitarist tweeted "That was over quick. Thank fuck." Yea probably not the best words to use considering your former frontman fucked a baby, but you aren't paid to think.

I have nothing else on this case nor this band. This video below makes me smile every time. So let's wipe out the above article with it:

Neal Schon of Journey Marrying Someone on Pay-Per-View

Neal Schon of JOURNEY is getting married on Pay-Per-View with five minute celebrity, Michaele Salahi. Michaele, yes that is how you spell that attention whore's real name, is best known for crashing a party at the White House. You don't remember her? Good she is a useless piece of trash and she's marrying a dead poodle on Pay-Per-View for $14.95.
Neal Schon and a Fame Whore photo NealSchon_zps2b566e6b.jpeg
(Photo courtesy of PRNewsFoto)

They are calling their wedding, "Neal and Michaele: The Winter Wonderland Wedding and Music Event" and they promise performances from JOURNEY and other "special" guests. The Pay-Per-View event begins Sunday, December 15 at 8pm Eastern. The only people watching will be TMZ and other gossip rags because no one, and I do absolutely mean NO ONE, wants to watch this piece of shit wedding between a dude who became irrelevant in 1989 and whoever the fuck she is.

Other wedding events I wouldn't pay $14.95 to see this couple do:

  • Neal standing near the alter like Mick Mars while he plays play Anyway You Want It and Michaele walks down the aisle.
  • Seeing them both do the Electric Slide.
  • Neal removing this fame slut's garter with his presumably canine like teeth.
  • Her shooting ping pong balls full of cake out of her pussy into the waiting mouth of Neal.

Bottom line, no one wants to pay to see this. No one cares about these two people. No one cares about JOURNEY.

I Don't Get METALLICA's Appeal Anymore

I am going to expose myself to a gallery of haters, but so be it. I don't get the extreme love of METALLICA. I don't understand how they are so popular and I certainly don't understand the fanaticism surrounding the band.

Musically, they really haven't been relevant since ...And Justice for All. Their speed metal days died with Cliff Burton and the And Justice album marks that moment when they slowly transitioned to that new sound. But it wasn't until the Black album came along (Metallica) and Bob Rock that the band's sound and focus changed for good. On that album and every album since, METALLICA has made easily digestible radio songs. It was a proper move for the band as it helped them sell millions and make them one of rock's juggernauts, but gone was the early speed metal heroes we old schoolers loved.

That's not even my problem with the band. The "sell out" moniker has been given to the band for years and they are still as popular as ever. Every time they move in a direction where they fail (METALLICA specific festival, avant garde albums - Lulu, documentaries - Some Kind of Monster, and 3D concert movies - Through the Never) they come back stronger than ever. Their fans support them and continue to prop up the band through failed events.

And I don't get it. Songs like Until It Sleeps are disgusting displays of 90s radio rock. I Disappear off the Mission Impossible soundtrack are gratuitous money grabs and METALLICA paint by numbers sound. But fans love those songs. METALLICA's worst album St. Anger, people have the album imagery tattooed forever on their body. Why do fans choose to remember the band's worst album every time they look in the mirror?

I loved METALLICA back in the day because they were the every man. They were just a group of dudes who were just like us. They played music they loved and that inspired them and didn't give a shit about anyone else. The early lyrics about death, injustice, drug addiction, suicide, were all relatable to the outcasts who weren't in skinny spandex and dressing as women. METALLICA represented us repressed loners.

But once their lyrics changed to being about bitches (Ain't my bitch) and they had a country steel twang with James Hetfield attempting to sing, they lost me. I think they should have lost a lot of you too, but yet I see you all at the shows fist pumping during The Unforgiven and Sad but True. I see you head banging to songs off Death Magnetic, and I just don't understand it.

The band grew up and went corporate. That should have turned off a lot of the fans as METALLICA was no longer the every man, but the corporate entity slaving us every man to our desks. My initial question was why are they still so popular? How are they able to sell out stadiums the world over when they have become nothing but radio rock? I don't have an answer because I haven't bought a METALLICA album since the Black album. That was the moment when METALLICA died for me. Why are they not dead for you?

THE KILLERS Call Greatest Hits CD a "Douchie Move"

The KILLERS have called their greatest hits album a "douchie move." Speaking to The Daily Star, Ronnie Vannucci had this to say about the album:

We can fill a CD so it makes good business sense at this time of year. However, it’s not like we’re so pleased with ourselves we want to put it out. It feels like a douchie move.

These decisisons are rarely with the band and are more in the hands of the record label. Vannucci admits that the contract forced the greatest hits compilation and they wouldn't really have put out Direct Hits if they didn't have to, which is actually a candid comment I respect.

So many bands try and act like the greatest hits album was their idea or that it made sense at this time to release something. But after four or five albums, it just doesn't make any sense. Fuck NICKELBACK just released a greatest hits album when they could have just released Silver Side Up. But we all know NICKELBACK has more power over their contract because of their selling power. Kill me.

The time for the Greatest Hits albums is over. They were great if you didn't want to buy every CD just to hear the four hits the band released. But in the day of iTunes, Amazon, and single song purchases, they make ZERO sense.

In my piece Barfing to the Oldies, I took a trip on a sea faring vessel and got sick. I wondered who bought Greatest Hits collections these days and the answer is salty sea captains left with only a CD player and their bait for hours on end. I am getting sick just typing this...damn you Pavlov and your classic conditioning.

Jagged Little Pill Coming to Broadway

Jesus Christ, my generation is killing everything they see, touch, eat, and smell. Broadway used to be for old time plays like Oklahoma and West Side Story. Now my generation has decided to kill Broadway with contemporary music like Green Day's American Idiot, Rock of Ages, and that ABBA monstrosity. Well now comes word that Alanis Morrissette is bringing her debut album, Jagged Little Pill, to Broadway.

The Jagged Little Pill show is helmed by Tom Kitt (the idiot behind American Idiot) and he's working closely with Alanis to create a Broadway musical that encompasses all the songs on Jagged Little Pill plus a few other tracks from her catalog.

"I look forward to taking the heart of Jagged Little Pill and expanding its story, fleshing it out into ever deeper layers of emotionality, specificity, humanity, power, physicality, spirit and fabulism," Morissette said in announcing the musical. "I look forward to collaborating with Vivek and Tom and our whole inspiring team to create something greater than the sum of our parts."

The album is a breakup anthem about the time Uncle Joey schtuped her and left her and how angry that made her. How much "deeper" can it really get? Hint: It can't. I wrote a joke essay about how Uncle Joey was the Greed $immons of Canada. I'll have to see if I dig that up and post it on here. If this play doesn't involve Mr. Woodchuck, the lovely foam woodchuck from Full House, it's just not worth the admission.

This is just another Broadway musical I WON'T see. Well that is assuming that guys aren't provided a hooker who will "go down on you in the theater." In fact, I would absolutely sit through the first two minutes of the Jagged Little Pill musical if I was getting blown to completion. But after All I Really Want, I will have already blown a load and lost my interest in the musical. So tread carefully Tom Kitt and Alanis Morrissette; I'll be cumming early.

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